Scared because you’re pushing 30?

Earlier today someone left a comment on my forum, saying that due to some personal problems he hasn’t gotten laid in years, and now that is 30 already, he is afraid that he has missed the boat. To corroborate his statement, he remarked that he had 22-year old girls in clubs tell him that he was too old. I’d like to discuss this issue in more general terms, since I’ve heard countless variations of that theme.

It is certainly the case that age will affect your chances on the dating market. However, guys in their late 20s or early 30s are a good decade away from needing to worry whether they can still score chicks. But let’s dwell on that girl’s remark, and why it’s nonsense. First, it is a single opinion that may not even be grounded in reality. For instance, maybe that girl was into him, but he was awkward, so she chose to attack him instead. This is fairly common behaviour.


Further, think about all the things any girl could ever want in a guy: it’s basically anything. Even worse, a lot of girls are so conflicted that they don’t even know what exactly it is that they want. He is supposed to have money and be successful in his job, but he is also supposed to have a lot of spare time that is to be spent exclusively with her. Or maybe he is supposed to be strong and masculine, but of course he also has to have a weak side and should cry. Those two contradictions are quite possibly the ones you most often hear about. But, hey, why bother with rationality at all?

Guys normally don’t have the comfort of being able to make up justifications for their fickle behaviour as they go along, but instead they have to show some consistency. You would get rather negative feedback if you loudly pronounced that something you desperately wanted you no longer found interesting now that you got it. Girls commonly exhibit that kind of behaviour, though, and white knights fall over themselves to make excuses for some upset little princess.

The purpose of this detour was to highlight that you’re better off ignoring what some random girl says. Should the next guy who is into her, and whom she likes, be a bit older, her rationalisation hamster will work overtime to give her a reason why she likes him. A large difference in age will of course justify her attraction because he is so ‘mature’.

You will normally only meet girls in some kind of social context — at this point it’s fairly well-established that ‘cold approaching’ women on the street is a colossal waste of time —, which means that as long as you have access to situations and venues where there are enough young girls around, you’ll get plenty of chances. Obviously, as a graduate student in your late 20s living on campus you’ll have a much easier time meeting girls who are barely out of their teens than if you live in BFE.

I frequently stress the importance of one's environment. While you had little choice over your environment as you grew up, as an adult you can move somewhere else if your current environment is holding you back. Moving, and starting a new chapter in your life, may be quite scary. The benefits can be enormous. Big cities tend to offer better employment opportunities, and plenty of opportunity for socializing. It’s hardly the most important thing in life, but, yes, it’s also a lot easier to get laid in a bigger city. You certainly wouldn't have to lose sleep because you've turned 30.